New Words and Phrases for 2012
BROFESSIONAL: Your perpetually single friend who is always available for
a night of debauchery with otherwise married, stay-at-home types.
TESTICULATING: Waving your arms around while talking bollocks.
CARNIVOYEUR: A vegetarian (or vegan) who digs watching others chomp on
SINBAD: Single working girls. Single income, no boyfriend and desperate.
FREDDY COUGAR: A scary, middle-aged (or older) woman who mistakenly
thinks she’s more desirable than she actually is.
PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE: The fine art of whacking the crap out of an
electronic device to get it to work again.
FREEBOOBING: The act of wearing a tight blouse sans bra. Think of it as
the female equivalent of a man’s freeballing.
INEPTOCRACY: A government or state ruled by people who are incompetent.
MILLENNIUM DOMES: The contents of a Wonderbra. IE. extremely impressive
when viewed from the outside, but there’s actually nothing in there
KARDASHIANED: Coined following the 72 day marriage of Kim Kardashian to
Kris Humphries, it means the act of being blindsided following an
JOHNNY-NO-STARS: A young man of substandard intelligence, the typical
adolescent who works in a burger restaurant. The ‘no-stars’ comes from
the badges displaying stars that staff at fast-food restaurants often
wear to show their level of training.
RECYCLEOPATH: Person who is militant when it comes to recycling and goes
apeshit when you accidentally forget to separate one lousy plastic water
bottle from a bag of trash.
BLAMESTORMING: Sitting round in a group, discussing why a deadline was
missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.
TEBOWING: Idiotic move of getting down on one knee in order to ‘speak’
to some imaginary ‘friend’. Primarily used by egotistical athletes who
think deities give a crap about some pass or play.
SWAMP DONKEY: A deeply unattractive person.
SEAGULL MANAGER: A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on
everything, and then leaves.
HUMBLEBRAG: An ostensibly humble comment that also demonstrates the
person’s wealth, fame, or importance.
ASSMOSIS: The process by which people seem to absorb success and
advancement by sucking up to the boss rather than working hard.
SALMON DAY: The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream
only to get screwed and die.
CUBE FARM: An office filled with cubicles.
PRAIRIE DOGGING: When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube
farm, and people’s heads pop up over the walls to see what’s going on.
(This also applies to applause for a promotion because there may be cake).
SITCOM’S: Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. What yuppies
turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay
home with the kids or start a ‘home business’.
BRIGHTSIZING: Corporate downsizing in which the brightest workers are
AEROPLANE BLONDE: One who has bleached/dyed her hair but still has a
ADMINISPHERE: The rarefied organisational layers beginning just above
the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the ‘adminisphere’ are often
profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were
designed to solve. This is often affiliated with the dreaded
“administrivia” – needless paperwork and processes.
GOING FOR A McSHIT: Entering a fast food restaurant with no intention of
buying food, you’re just going to the bog. If challenged by a pimply
staff member, your declaration to them that you’ll buy their food
afterwards is known as a McShit with Lies.
404: Someone who’s clueless. From the world wide web error message “404
Not Found” meaning that the requested document could not be located.
OH-NO SECOND: That minuscule fraction of time in which you realise that
you’ve just Made a BIG mistake.
GREYHOUND: A very short skirt, only an inch from the hare.
MONKEY BATH: A bath so hot, that when lowering yourself in you go: “Oo!
Oo! Oo! Aa! Aa! Aa!”.
MYSTERY BUS: The bus that arrives at the pub on Friday night while
you’re in the toilet after your 10th pint, and whisks away all the
unattractive people so the pub is suddenly packed with stunners when you
come back in.
MYSTERY TAXI: The taxi that arrives at your place on Saturday morning
before you wake up, whisks away the stunner you slept with, and leaves a
10-Pinter in your bed instead.
BEER COAT: The invisible but warm coat worn when walking home after a
booze cruise at 3am.
BEER COMPASS: The invisible device that ensures your safe arrival home
after booze cruise, even though you’re too drunk to remember where you
live, how you got here, and where you’ve come from.
TART FUEL: Bottled premixed spirits, regularly consumed by young women.
PICASSO BUM: A woman whose knickers are too small for her, so she looks
like she’s got 4 buttocks.